How I Look

I have been fighting a virus for going on two weeks now. I am recovering, but still tired and worn down from a combination of sickness and mom duty, tending everyone else.

It's time to get back on track now. I have a meeting today.

I was getting ready and looked in the mirror. I frowned at my reflection. "I hate to go out looking like this, " I said out loud, then shrugged. "But it's how I look!"

Some days all you can do is accept that it is what it is.

Meeting the Governor

It's not every day you get to meet the governor, but last week I did. I listened to him speak to a smallish group, wishing my daughter could be in the room. This is an important man.

He was very personable. I enjoyed his talk immensely and told him so. I got to shake his hand and have my picture taken with him. Right before the picture was snapped I wished I had worn something else, but was pleased just the same thinking about how I could say to my friends, "Guess what? I met the Governor!"

Here it is week later and I didn't mention it to a soul. It's been a hectic week. We are trying to get ready for a trip my daughter is taking. Performances are involved, so there are practices, costumes to get ready, hotel reservations to make, the list goes on. One of the boys is sick with some sort of virus again. It has been raining quite a bit lately and my car sprung a leak. A good six inches of water collected in the bottom of the trunk before we noticed it. There has been some upheaval in other areas of life as well. I think the most disrupting thing has been the addition of a new puppy to our family.

He is an eight week old mixed darling who came to us needing medical care and grooming. Now that he is feeling better we have discovered he obviously has some ADHD heritage. While our new pup Thunder is a joy, like some of the human boys in this family who also have ADHD heritage, he is an exhausting joy. He is going to be l a r g e. It is imperative that he learn commands like 'down' as soon as possible. Anyone who has ever had a pup knows there is a massive time investment in the cleaning and scooping areas as well. So I've been busy. Too busy to think about name dropping at all.

Yesterday my hands were in a sink of dirty dishes and I was day dreaming about being a famous novelist someday. Perhaps people would line up just to shake my hand and smile at me. That's when I remembered meeting the Governor. If I ever do get famous I will certainly not be as important or vital as he is, and I had forgotten all about my big moment of meeting the governor.

Should my day in the spotlight ever come and my head start to swell, I will remind myself that people might have other things on their minds besides thinking about how great I am. Like getting on back to the house in hopes there won't be extra puppy messes to clean up.

Sustainability

My second son was reading a newsletter article titled "Sustainability."

"Hey Mom!" he said, "We're energy efficient. We always fill the washer to capacity when we do laundry."

A "Whipped Cream on Top" List

1. Cotton Sheets
2. Watching my little girl paint her nails
3. The smell of coffee
4. Carousels
5. The smile I get when I greet my teen son by flinging my arms out and parroting Mrs. Doubtfire's "Helloooo!"
6. Hugs from friend I haven't seen in a while
7. Baking bread
8. Holding hands with my husband
9. Giving a gift to someone for no reason at all
10. Kittens

Red Shoes

First, there was the bad news about my husband's wrist injury. It wasn't healing as fast as it should. That meant at least a few more weeks of light duty which equals less pay. The same day we received this notification, my son got a letter in the mail about his tuition. No financial aid. A few more unexpected medical bills rounded out the week. I have been, as I posted on facebook, "So stressed my toes are tense." My solution? Retail Therapy.

After I had pursued the offerings of purses and jewelry at one of my favorite stores, I turned my attentions toward creating at least one ensemble around black pants I recently acquired via the Target Daily Deal. I found a couple of tops that would work, but still was not satisfied. I headed to the shoe department. I tried on many pairs of shoes but when my poor little tense toes slipped into some unbelievably comfortable slides, I knew I had found my match. The only thing is, they were red. Then it hit me. I have never owned a pair of red shoes. So, of course, I immediately took them to the register and bought them.

Me and my toes feel much better now.

My husband is on a low fat diet, so for the last several months I have been experimenting with recipes. Last night my son came in after a long day of classes and grabbed a piece of freshly baked cake. "This is good!" he said. He was confident when he stated, "This is not fat free."

My Week

Monday came. I did not feel so good but got moving anyway. Then my son checked the balance due for tuition and it was more than double the amount it should have been. This required a trip to the college. I had an appointment in the same area I didn't want to put off anyway. After being fortified with caffeine, I donned an oversized pink sweatshirt and my softest comfy jeans and forged ahead.

It turned out to be a pretty good day. I had an excellent time conversing with one of our church staff. The tuition problem was rectified. "Someone wrote it wrong," the lady at the college said. I'll say. An extra one in the thousands' place makes a huge difference. And then, someone wanted to talk with my son about a job that pays money. This was a very good Monday. Then the rest of the days came after.

During the week we prepared for a performance scheduled for Friday, practicing and making costume adjustments. My son was to do some sign language. He had been suffering a pinched nerve for a week. It was still bothering him, so I spent a lot of time telling him to lie down on the heating pad.

Other things happened. My dog somehow pulled the outside water pipe up out of the ground and disconnected the water from the house. We had to turn off the water for a while. It was making a small lake in the backyard. The toilet overflowed. This was after we got the water fixed. It had nothing to do with the other water problem. Neither did the deal with the washer. My laundry appliances are just temperamental. The washer will sometimes stop working. It makes a horrible squealing noise that my husband is trying hard to ignore. Now the dryer, which he did recently fix, likes to randomly come on all by itself.

Tuesday was ok, as far as I remember. We had some minor bumps, projects delayed by missing tools, and things of that nature, but no major disasters that I recall. There may have been a small kitchen fire.

Wednesday we had a fun day out planned and enjoyed ourselves even though my head still hurt a bit. When we came home, the neighbor's rottweiler was chewing on my puppy dog. My dog, Thunder, is not a tiny thing, unless you compare him to a buffalo. Or a rottweiler. We jumped out of the car to rescue the pup. (Thunder was not hurt, just a little damp.) Someone forgot to close the car door. Rottie decided he wanted to go for a ride. In my car. He would not get out. All I could think about is how much rotties drool. And chew. I tempted the nice doggie out with ham placed strategically down my drive back to his house. This took time . . . and approximately half a ham. I did not make it to Ladie's Bible Study that night.

Thursday my little dancer began the day by saying, "I think I yelled too much yesterday. My throat is sore." Ginger Ale and jello was the menu for lunch. Around 1:00 I sent a message to my oldest to bring home more ginger ale and nausea medicine. I cleaned the bathroom several times Thursday. I spent the evening cleaning carpet and washing towels. When my poor little girl developed a fever I sent a message of apologies and regrets about the performance. Maybe the dress will still fit this Easter.

Friday I cut my own hair.

Dancing on Carpet

It's easy to smile in the beginning. Step, step, turn. Leap. Grace and power flow. Arms reach out and float in the air. Your fingers turn red as blood rushes through your veins. Up onto toes. Drawing air, your chest expands and nostrils flare. Everyone in the room can hear labored breathing, but your smile never falters.

Little girls in make believe tutus, young mothers, tweens, and silver haired ladies all watch you move across the floor. Keep your face soft, soft. Make them blind to holes in your shoes and tattered ribbons. Move smoothly against the resistance. It looks easy even as beads of moisture trickle along your hairline, wetting the sprigs of hair that have escaped. Finish.

They clap, ignoring the sweat running down your neck. The sparkle of sequins distracts attention from the frayed seams. You smile and smile, sinking gracefully into a bow.

The slippers are removed. You stretch and stretch. Rub your calves, ankles, feet. Sometimes you cry, but it's ok because no one can see you now. You pray for smoother floors tomorrow. Point and flex, point and flex. Stretch some more, because tomorrow you may have to dance on carpet again.

Top Ten Highlights The Week After Christmas

1. Got wrapping paper and candy canes for 50% off at Wally World.
2. Eradicated entrenched dust bunnies from their lair under the futon.
3. Ate way too much chocolate and had to go buy more.
4. Watched and rewatched my favorite home videos.
5. Checked out three novels from the library.
6. Replaced the shelf paper in the kitchen cabinets.
7. Got puppy shots and dewormer at Tractor Supply.
8. Found a clean, plot driven, family friendly movie that was not animated.
9. Registered a complaint with Fed Ex about packages that never came.
10. Was rousted from bed after midnight because the air compressor caught fire.

Sickness got the best of me this Thanksgiving, but I still felt obligated put on the whole 'turkey and pie' show. After, my husband took the kids for a boat ride. They returned to find me stretched out in the living room on a pile of pillows. My middle son used acting skills acquired in drama club to put on his best angst ridden, quavering voice. He said, "Don't go, Mom, don't go."

I ignored him---to no avail. He continued, "Don't go towards the light!"

I cracked an eyelid open. The only light I could see from my no longer peaceful repose was the kitchen light over the sink.

"Why would I go towards the light?" I asked. "There's dishes in there."

Odd October

My brothers and sisters, when you have many kinds of troubles, you should be full of joy, because you know that these troubles test your faith, and this will give you patience. James 1:2-3 NCV

There were a lot of storms in October. Leaks sprung in the walls, two windows of the house, and my car trunk. The backseat of the car had to be removed and a large, bright blue tarp covered my auto. It stayed that way for quite some time.

The phone was out all month. I don't know if that was weather related.

I lost a tax bill, but couldn't call about it or drive to the courthouse to resolve the issue.

My dryer died.

The month progressed this way.

Lightning struck the network cable and fried the computers. I think that was the 30th. On the last day of the month, the T.V. made a loud POP and an acrid, electrical burning smell filled the house. Normally this would upset me, but I simply got up and went to finish cleaning the kitchen.

Then I discovered that the deep freezer had been off for three days.

After that one of the boys told me about the leaky toilet, so we spent some time tearing up the new flooring and disposing of it since it was ruined.

A little after 11:00 p.m. all was quiet except for a drip, drip, dripping. It was not raining. The fridge had decided to start defrosting and produced incredible amounts of water. There was water under the kitchen cabinets. Water had seeped through the wall and puddled in the utility room behind the dryer.

At 11:45 or so we heard an animal getting into the trash. My son put on his shoes and got a flashlight. Remembering the skunk that lurked nearby in the woods I said, "Let's wait fifteen minutes--until October's over."

Facebook

I finally got on facebook two weeks ago. Yesterday I was aimlessly looking around, seeing who my friend's friends were. All those memories attached to faces. Wow. Long ago acquaintances who made me smile just to see their pictures. I remembered sleep overs and borrowed clothes, bonfires and French tests, sneaking out of class to . . . never mind. I saw a few of the 'in crowd' who had surprised me during those difficult years with moments of unexpected kindness.

Then there was the girl who pointed and laughed at me. We were told to sit Indian style. My jeans were so worn at the inseam tiny holes showed the skin of my thighs peeking through.

I wonder what people remember about me when they see my picture.

10 Ways I Said "I Love You" to My Family This Week

1. I slept on the lumpy pillow.
2. I made phone calls for someone perfectly capable of dialing themselves.
3. I did not yell about spilled spaghetti sauce on my clean tablecloth.
4. I washed nasty man-stinky clothes.
5. I cooked, for the same meal, separate lowfat food, low carb food, allergen free food, and food for Miss Picky. I did this three times a day, every day.
6. I did not ask hubby, "Did you fix (fill in the blank)?" a single time all week.
7. I administered eardrops to someone who knows not to go swimming without earplugs but did anyway.
8. I bravely battled wasps.
9. I watched a T.V. show I do not like.
10. I let someone else have the last enchilada.

Surprise Treasure

I was cleaning out my closet today, or at least attempting to, and look what I found. I coulda wore these here patriotic over-halls this past hollyday weekend! Sad to say, it's one of the few articles of clothing I found that actually fit me.

You know, they do match my white cowboy hat if I tie my red, white and blue scarf around as a hatband.

Things We Do For Love

I've been doing one of Beth Moore's Bible studies, Esther. We were listening to the accompanying cd yesterday and Beth told a story. Her 18 month old grandson had been sharing goldfish crackers with a rather large and drooly dog. Then he offered a cracker to his momma. Rather than break his little heart, momma did the brave thing.

Fast forward to today. Our church was planning an event after morning services with activities including one of those big blow up water slide thingys. My daughter had her heart set on playing on that slide. Last time we got rained out. She had brought her swimsuit, towels and extra clothes. She was ready.

Just about when it was time to go outside it started to rain. There was not a bit of thunder, just showers. Some of the moms did not let their kids play on the slide. Some did, and those in charge said it was ok. I remembered how when I was a kid we played in the rain every chance we got. So I let her go.

When play time was over we walked to the car together. I was trying to wring out my skirt as best I could before I got in. I told my daughter, "I am dripping wet!" She said, "Look at it this way. At least you didn't have to eat a goldfish covered in dog slobber."

Something New Every Morning

I stepped out the back door this morning to feed Princess. Princess is a beautiful, but rather sickly, hound dog that adopted us. She came and laid down on the front porch one day several months ago and would not leave. I told her we have allergies, but she didn't listen. I am even more allergic to cats.

A while after Princess decided to make this her home, a gray shadow of a cat could be seen slipping around in the back. After numerous sightings I decided we better worm and flea her. I was also influenced by the repetitive pleading of my daughter.

We named her Minnie. Worming her was not a problem, just mix the medicine in a little tuna. She has finally started to hang out near the house now and has overcome her skittishness. We were about to treat her for fleas. Yesterday when I woke up I walked into my daughter's room. I was sitting on her bed trying to get her to wake up when I found a flea on my ankle. That was yesterday.

It was a lovely morning when I went outside today. The sun was shining, I could hear the birds chirping, and . . . .something else.

A new discovery. We have been invaded with mini Minnies. Anyone want a kitten?

Baby Girl

She wears a white cotton gown that she took from my drawer. Her toes peek out from under the ruffled hem. I fix her coffee. Milk and sugar.

She cries. She says to me, "I don't know why I'm so mean to you sometimes."

I shush her and rub her back. She leans into me and I murmur quiet womanly words. She is afraid one day she will wake up and be someone else. I tell her that when she is as old as me some things will still be the same. Her head will lay on my shoulder and she will still be my baby girl.

Forever my beloved child.

White Bird

Yesterday morning we were driving along the highway.
My son said, "Hey! There's a white bird."
He grinned. "They're supposed to bring good luck."
After a pause I heard him mutter, "Usually all I see is crows."

Laundry

I had been cleaning all day. I mean all day long-- like from 7:30. In the morning. At 10:41 p.m. I foolishly peeked into the laundry room as I was tossing a towel into the whites hamper. I could not believe my eyes. A frown creased the spot between my eyebrows. My lips were a flat, straight line.
"Where did all this laundry come from?"
My middle son shuffled over and looked at me with that hang dog expression.
I put my hands on my hips.
"It came from YOU," I accused.
He avoided my eyes, his guilt plain. Then his face smoothed out.
"Actually, it came from Walmart," he said, sagely nodding his head.
"I'm just the middle man."

My Quilt

For the last two days I have been attempting to machine quilt. As I was wrestling this monster, trying to shove the fabric under the needle, I thought, "If I had died no one would have finished this thing." I have a strong suspicion it would have ended up in a box at a yard sale, one of those ghastly unfinished projects tucked away among more useful items like rusty scissors and empty thread spools.

I started this project in February 2007. I needed something distracting and mindless to do, so I delved into my scrap fabric and started cutting quilt squares. I noticed I tend to buy lots of floral patterned material. I almost never buy solids. After a time all the little squares were neatly tucked away into a ziploc bag and buried in one of my big plastic tubs awaiting crafterly inspiration.

You know, once you have spent hour upon hour working on something you have to keep going even if you have no clue what it is. I think it was last summer when I pulled out the squares and started laying them out. From past experience with busy floral scraps I surmised that a few solids may help out and had accordingly cut some dark blue and beige squares. They were almost solid. You could barely see the pattern on them. It was very muted.

The kids helped me lay out a pattern that didn't clash too badly, keeping in mind that most of the time a quilt is in use you have your eyes closed anyway. It got bigger and bigger. We had to go to buy more of that sort-of-solid muted fabric. I decided that once it covered the space available on the living room floor it was big enough. There were challenges. I think this is much easier if you start with directions. Of course I did not have directions. This was a scrap quilt.

In constructing the quilt top, some of the pieces didn't quite match up. They were all mostly square and about the same size. I worked with it. Once the quilt top was made we all admired it, and then I folded it up and put it back into the craft tub until I could get batting.

It wasn't long before I went to the store and got the required batting and dug around in one of my boxes for sheeting for the back of the quilt. I was pumped from getting the top part done. But by the time I got out the folding table, cut the backing, unrolled the batting and coaxed the three independent layers together so I could pin the whole thing together I was tired. I would have stuffed it back into the craft tub, but it was too big now. So there it sat neatly folded in a corner of my bedroom until last week.

It's another summer and I decided to work on the quilt. I think I've gotten the hang of machine quilting it. The first third will need to be unpicked and restitched. All those squares are leaning against each other, this way and that. Kind of reminds me of an old rickety wooden fence about to fall down. I'll straighten them up. I'm getting there.

Projects like these give you time to philosophize. Quilting won't be rushed. It's good to think deep thoughts to keep yourself from muttering words you don't want your kids to hear you say.

A quilt is kind of like life. Bits from here and there, some scraps on hand, some you have to purpose to aquire. A little planning and a lot of improvisation. All the squares don't match up exactly right, but as a whole, with a little adjusting it all makes one big piece. Often parts have to be undone and redone. It never quite comes out exactly the way you originally envisioned.

When all is done it will serve its purpose, keeping someone I love warm and snug underneath a messy riot of mismatched memories. Some people will think this is one awful ugly quilt. Some will think it is ok. Some will think it is beautiful.

Yesterday I was getting frustrated. I thought,"God did not keep me alive to finish this quilt."

Now I'm thinking . . .

Maybe He did.